The balance of approaching your smoking and drinking preferences for online dating

To help find someone you would enjoy dating, how restrictive should you be when choosing your desired smoking and drinking habits for your matches?

The tough part may be making the decision that your ideal mate has similar smoking and drinking habits to you.  Can you see a future with someone who smokes if you are a non-smoker?  If not, you have to be discerning with your matching choices.

Approach your smoking and drinking preferences just as you would the other lifestyle settings, including age, children at home, religious affiliation, higher education, etc.  Whom do you really want to connect with? Just as you may desire someone who has a college education or does not have children at home yet, it's even more important to be heavily matching with smoking and drinking habits because they can last a lifetime.  Selecting a high preference for someone who never smokes is really important if you want to filter out men or women who "smoke socially" or "once a week".

Yes, the number of matches you receive will be smaller, but it will save time and energy spent to view and close those matches who don't match your lifestyle desires to begin with.  The "non-compatibles" you filter out will never contact you, because you've made the conscious choice to pin down your lifestyle preferences.

eHarmony, one of the leaders in online dating, tells us that choosing a preference for someone who never smokes is too restrictive.  That's a little strange, considering that in 2011. only 21.6% of adult men and 16.5% of adult women were smokers.  Could this point to online dating have a disproportionate amount of people who smoke?  Is eHarmony trying to level the playing field for people who smoke so that they are not filtered out of non-smokers search results?

Today I had to make a conscious choice to be more restrictive with my matches on their drinking habits.  I was raised in a family where both my mom and dad abstained from alcohol.  I never saw a drink in the house and people did not bring alcohol into our home. 

It's important to me to continue this legacy with my future family to an extent.  My ideal mate would rarely drink (if at all), not have a habit of drinking more than one drink alone, and hopefully recognize that regular alcohol intake can be a stumbling block to spiritual and physical health.

Dating advice: 5 Bad First Date Conversations

Dating Advice 5 Extremely Annoying First Date Conversations - eHarmony

#1 ANYTHING AT ALL that has to do with your ex

#2 Topics that Revolve Around your Affluence

#3 Tales of Your Old Glory Days
As a general rule, first dates should be light on the life history. Your date is much more interested in what you're up to now

#4 Pushing Your Agenda

#5 Your Fabulous Party Past

#6 The Minute Details of Your Job
But for the most part, your job is not fascinating to your date.

#7 Your Health Challenges
As we've said before, you want to keep first date conversation light. Telling your date that you're having a cyst removed next week is not light

#8 Talking About All The Other People You're Dating

Top 10 Ways to Become Irresistible to Women

Top 10 Ways to Become Irresistible to Women

• Be romantic
• Give her the right kind of attention
• Be confident
• Be adventurous
• Be unpredictable
• Be thoughtful
• Demonstrate dominance
• Show some class
• Sound smart
• Be funny

Onliine dating is a numbers game

The numbers can look disappointing, but what I would say is that it just takes one. I know that seems cliche, but it's true. The question is, how do you find that "one?" And, a lot like other things in life, online dating is a numbers game. The more women you try to communicate the more chances you'll have to meet someone who you want to continue spending time with.

I've always treated dating as a learning experience. Even if a date doesn't end in a romantic relationship, I feel like I've learned something out of it that can help me in the future. So, I think the point is to maybe date a little out of what your "type" might be and maybe that leads to results.

eHarmony message board post by Stylebook

Single women, superficial genders, and bad first date conversations

Demystifying the Single Woman
* We’re not all about looks, so you shouldn't be either

* We like it when you make the first move (but if you don't, we might)
...when we separate ourselves from the herd, make eye contact, and smile, we're giving you the go-ahead to approach. And if you don't respond? If we're feeling particularly confident and cute that night, we just might approach you. And when we do, give us a chance. After all, we're going out on a limb. If you're not interested, that's perfectly fine, but let us down gently.

* You don't have to be a pickup artist to get our phone number

* Material things don't impress us


Are Men Really the More Superficial Sex?

Do men seek out beautiful women because the most primitive parts of their brains read beautiful features (symmetrical facial features, large breasts, etc.) as signs of genetic health and fertility?

• Do women seek out high earners because the most primitive parts of their brains are attracted to men who can support them and their offspring?

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Dating Advice 5 Extremely Annoying First Date Conversations

Dating advice and humor

I may not be smooth with women, but even I know not to ask these questions on on a first date

One of the charms of dating is that, especially in the beginning stages, we put our best foot forward. One of the pitfalls of dating is that, especially in the beginning stages, we put our best foot forward.

Read more: Her Biggest Dating Fears

Online Courtship: 6 Email Do's and Don'ts